The Goth Friendly Test
This occured to me while returning home late last night. It may have
had something to do with that carload of idiots which passed me. I
decided to write this down cos I can.
Consider this either tongue-in-cheek or bitter-and-angry, depending on
your point of view.
The rules are: Choose the one which best applies to you
1. You are driving and see a pack of goths crossing the road.
You have the right of way. Do you:
a. Slow down and wave them on?
b. Slow down and honk your horn at them?
c. Speed up?
d. Reach for your shotgun?
2. You see a male wearing makeup. Do you:
a. Stare incredulously?
b. Stare dotingly?
c. Ask, "Are you wearing makeup?"
d. Mutter "fag" just loud enuf for him to hear?
e. Reach for your shotgun?
3. You see a female dressed in fishnets, a miniskirt, combat
boots and a leather jacket standing alone on the corner of
a busy intersection. The first thing that come thru your mind
is:
a. "If I give her money she will have sex with me."
b. "If I tell her how cool I am she will have sex with me."
c. "Poor thing, She sure must be cold in that."
d. "Wow! Where'd she get those boots?"
4. Poppy Z Brite is...
a. A writer.
b. A kind of lipstick?
c. God.
d. A heathen trollop.
e. Me.
5. You are on a train and a group of a dozen goths sits
nearby. Do you:
a. Approach and strike up casual conversation?
b. Nonchalantly move to the other end of the car?
c. Make some comment about Halloween being in October?
d. Run?
6. Bauhaus is...
a. A band.
b. A group of devil worshiping necrophiles.
c. An early 20th century artistic movement.
d. The place where the dog lives.
7. You live in the suburbs and a family wearing all black
moves in next door. Do you:
a. Assume they are Amish?
b. Invite them over for tea and cookies?
c. Drag in the kids, lock the doors and windows and
call the police?
d. Reach for your shotgun?
8. You stopped watching Twin Peaks ...
a. After they discovered who killed Laura Palmer.
b. When the series ended.
c. After the first dream sequence.
d. When it started conflicting with Klan meetings.
9. It's April and you see someone wearing all black and
wearing plastic vampire teeth. You think:
a. "Is this a publicity stunt? Where's the camera?"
b. "Giggle."
c. "Where's my shotgun?"
d. "Foolish mortal."
10. The goth girl down the street always makes you think of...
a. Death (TM).
b. Winona Ryder.
c. Calling the police.
d. Gang rape.
11. Your favourite artistic movement is
a. The Pre-Raphaelites.
b. Norman Rockwell.
c. The Greatful Dead.
d. The Spanish Inquisition.
12. You see a little girl pulling the heads off Barbie dolls and
trying to replace them with heads from "Tales of the
crypt keeper" Toys. Do you:
a. Explain to her lady-like and un-lady-like behaviour.
b. Report her parents to the police?
c. Smile and give her a thumbs up?
d. Pray for her soul?
13. The only time you wear black is when ...
a. You go to a funeral.
b. It's winter and it's in style.
c. You want to appear thinner.
d. You're breathing.
---------------------------
SCORING
Points
a b c d e
1. 1 2 3 6
2. 2 1 3 4 6
3. 4 3 1 0
4. 1 2 0 3 -8
5. 1 2 4 3
6. 1 3 2 5
7. 2 1 3 6
8. 2 1 3 6
9. 2 1 5 0
10. 1 2 3 6 (or 0 you'll know which)
11. 1 2 4 6
12. 2 3 1 5
13. 3 2 2 0
Add up your number of points.
If you scored
0 or lower Nice to meet you Ms. Brite!
1 - 8 If you are not a Goth already, consider becoming one.
9-15 Goth-friendly.
16-26 I fear that which I do not understand.
27-42 Goth-paranoid.
43 or more Were your parents related?
----------------
Another fine product by Bob
bob@dcs.qmw.ac.uk
void where prohibited by law
do not tease or annoy Bob without express written consent of the
baseball commissioner
all events portrayed in this post were recreated by actors
for a transcript of this post, save it yourself
kids, ask your parents for help before ironing this to your face
batteries not included
add your name to the bottom and post to 10 people, within 200 years
you will be dead
do not bend fold spindle or mutilate unless you really feel a strong
urge to
all coupons double up to $2