Date: Tue, 23 Apr 1996 03:52:42 -0400 (EDT)
From: -NatiOn-
Subject: get a #2 pencil, and a physician.

Q: okay, so it's 3:30 am. what the hell am i doing up?

A: nicotine-induced insomnia, and an occasional psychedelic fugue.


Q: what do the following have in common?
- a microwave
- a fridge
- raw canvas
- a 15" snake
A: they were all in my kitchen.

Q: what is the standard prcedure for dealing with a 15" snake in your kitchen?
A: freak the hell out, run about like a maniac, then try using every appliance in your home to remove said reptile. acceptable snake-removal-machines(TM(heh)) include a home fire extinguisher, a popcorn machine, a vacuum cleaner, and a gas-powered lawnmower.

Q: what happens when one runs a gas-powered lawnmower in one's home?
A: gas-powered lawnmowers tend to emit several forms of pollution, including carbon-monoxide, smoke, noise, dirt, and trapped pieces of grass. the first two items tend to affect one's sense of balance, and also tends to set off other noise-making gadgets, such as smoke detectors. the dirt and trapped grass seem to aggravate allergic conditions.

Q: after you remove the 15" reptile with grilling tongs and a popcorn maker, what should you _not_ use to clean the dirt and grass from your kichen floor?
A: undiluted ammonia. this substance tends to react with carbon-monoxide, which is always present after running a gas-powered lawnmower in your kitchen. ammonia and carbon-monoxide, when inhaled together, do seem to cause LSD-like episodes.

Q: what else should i _not_ do?
A: do not smoke a clove afterwards. nicotine, ammonia, and carbon-monoxide should _never_ be used together. it's just not a good idea.

-Maxine.

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