From: "Vincent Farquharson" 
To: "BLAH" 
Subject: call my broker!
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 10:25:21 -0400

Vince's Cool Stuff Securities Forecast 07/20/1998
published weelky by the VinSeC (Vince Securities Council) 
(listed by price per share)
             current     last      min(date)      max(date)
             -------  -------  -------------  -------------
stoli           3.25     3.25    3.25(07/98)   63.00(03/88)
curve          22.50    25.75   15.00(12/90)  103.50(11/97)
conversation  337.00   330.50   75.25(05/93)  359.75(01/98)
books          87.75    82.25   80.00(11/88)   95.25(06/96)
pants         108.75   106.25   23.25(02/90)  108.75(07/98)
cleavage        2.25     2.25    2.25(07/98)  518.50(09/95)
angst          12.75    13.00    9.00(12/96)  105.25(12/90)

the major items to watch this month is cleavage, still down this week due
to overexposure.  also down is stoli, which is still being investigated by
the drunque police.  due to the dramatic drop in stoli and cleavage, the
price of decent conversation has skyrocketed.  this trend apparently began
on 01/98 and shows no sign of levelling.  pants is also in incredibly high
demand, and export will not resume until the recession has ceased.  VinSeC
has been in closed-door meetings with Russian Vodka manufacturers (esp.
stoli) and rumours abound of an art embargo if vodka imports are not
drastically cut back.  angst, as usual, is in surprising demand.


-Vince

"goddammit! genocide, not fluffy softness!!" - anonymous