From lhomme@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu Sat Aug 10 05:09:32 1996
Date: Sat, 10 Aug 1996 03:00:58 -0400 (EDT)
From: lhomme@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu
Reply-To: blah2@obscure.org
To: blah2@obscure.org
Subject: last day of work
I am now unemployed. Woohoo!
But what would an extremely bizarre job be without a bizarre last
day? So, here is the final work story you will be getting from me this
summer:
The day started off quite well. Since it was my last day, I had
control of the music on the drive to and from Lafayette so everyone had
to listen to the Virgin Prunes the entire time. I think there may be a
connection to the fact that everyone except me did pathetically today. I
brought in three times what anyone else did.
Anyway, the day passed quite normally until I got picked up after
canvassing. While we were driving to pick up the other two canvassers, my
friend and coworker, Lee, told me that she had been stopped my the cops
and harrassed for well over an hour. They gave her an especially hard
time after they found out that she is physically a guy and not a girl. They
refused to accept the permits we had to canvass in Lafayette (not that
permits are even necessary as countless court cases have held that what
we do is protected by the first ammendment). Anyway, when we reached the
pick up point for the other two canvassers, who should be there but the
four officers who had harrassed Lee. They had a long talk with our field
manager and then came and took information about each of us. I actually
was the last person they talked to.
The officer asked for identification and I came extremely close
to giving him my library card but the fact that the police in Lafayette
have a reputation (as do the police in most areas I know of) for
excessive violence. I refrained. I was actually quite well behaved,
although I realized being a victim of police brutality would make a
better post to blah, I decided that I just wasn't in the right mood for
it. All I did was constantly roll my tongue bar along my teeth while the
officer talked to me because I know that can be annoying as Hell.
This was the conversation the officer and I had. I swear that this is
accurate.
Cop: Do you have any tatoos?
Me: No.
C: Are you missing any fingers or toes?
M: No.
C: Do you have any tatoos?
M: No.
C: What color are your eyes?
M: Blue.
C: Do you have any major surgical scars?
Me (assuming all of mine qualify as minor): No.
C: Do you have any tatoos?
M: No.
C: Do you have on any rings or watches?
Me (assuming my nipple ring was not what he meant): No.
C: Do you have any tatoos?
M: No.
This and his information about what I was wearing is now on
record with the Lafayette police for the next year. And should anyone
wearing black shorts and a yellow shirt (presumably someone without
tatoos) be seen committing a crime, they will contact the police
wherever I am and have me brought in for questioning. At least according to
these officers. I'm just glad it wasn't earlier in the week because I was
wearing all black and I have a feeling that that is a popular ensemble
for the clothes of criminals. So, Luis, when they kick down our door and
drag me off next year, you can be pretty sure that someone without any
tatoos has committed a crime in Lafayette. Actually, their intimidation
techniques such as this were kind of amusing because they were so
transparent. Anyway, that's my last work story.
"This place is Hell to me with the devil in my bed and the devil in this
bottle and the devil in my head. I'll meet you in heaven again if you
wear that dress again (I'll have one more drink my friend) where my heart
is kept on ice and prayers burst into flames. Prayers on fire."-The
Birthday Party
and now you can go back to
The Miscellaneous
Weirdness Page.