The first thing I learned on this job was to never think that it
can't become any weirder because it always does.
Today, I knocked on this guys house. He was a somewhat elderly
man and he invited me in while he signed our support statement so I went
inside. He signed and then reached over to the table by the door and
picked up a fifteen-inch long knife (not hyperbole for dramatic effect,
he told me that was the length). He told me to look at it, explaining
that it was part of the survival kits he was making. He said that
paper money would be worth no more than toilet paper in a few years and
that I should put all of my money into solid assets. The country would be
bankrupt soon and then the people would revolt because of taxes like they
did 200 years ago against England. He told me to come with him into
another room so that he could show me what he had for after the coming
revolution.
Since he had a rather large knife and was standing between me
and the door, I went quite obediently. He showed me a rather large number
of knives, machetes, and a samauri sword. He made me pick up and examine
each one. I kind of liked the sword. Bullets and ammunition would run out
quite quickly after the revolution, he explained, so it would be weapons
like these that would make the difference in protecting your property. He
said that when he got the money together, he was going to start
assembling survival kits with weapons like these and selling them through
mail order. He said that he would give me a job with him when he started.
Next he began to give me advice on which stocks to invest in. He
wrote it all down for me. They are mostly mining companies. I guess that
it makes since if paper money will soon to be worthless to invest in the
mining of the precious metals themselves.
While writing down what I should invest in, he elaborated on what
was going to happen over the next few years. 13 nations, led by the
United States, will form the New World Order. Within a few years, 3
nations, one of them being Russia, will leave. Russia will then start the
next world war. He informed me of the quite troubling news that he had
talked to biblical scholars and nowhere in the Bible does it say that the
United States would survive the war. I thought that it was in Leviticus
somewhere, but it's been a while since I read the Bible.
He also informed me that the root of the worlds problems lay in
bisexuality and all the "fruits" out there. He also muttered about the
"niggers" a few times. Eventually, he finished writing down his stock
advice and I said that as much as I was enjoying talking to him I really
needed to get going. He left me with his name and phone number. I ended
up spending over half an hour with him. I decided that the safest course
of action would be to just let him keep talking and not try to leave
because it could offend him.
Something else interesting happened at work today. I went to this
door and the person inside opened it but I couldn't see anyone inside.
Then this naked leg stuck out from behind the door and this lady in a very
seductive voice said, "Hey booboo." I was pondering the deep, kinky Yogi
Bear implications this greeting held when I think she realized that I
wasn't who she had expected. A few moments later, she came out in a
bathrobe saying that she was sorry and had thought I was somebody else.
Anyway, it was quite an interesting day at work. On the drive
home, I hit something and blew out both of my right tires. All in all, a
rather eventful day.
You can go see Tommy's next Adventure
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