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Version 1.6
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compiled by Tony Blews
from posts on alt.gothic.
Jokes contributed by:
mac4jak@cabell.vcu.edu (Jennifer A. Knipper),
bathory@utkvx.utk.edu, jason@sable.adelphi.edu (Doktor Fautus),
mckeeman@netcomm.com (Weasel Boy), steveb@io.org (Steve Benesko),
vamp@gothic.acs.csulb.edu (VampLestat), eadcock@ns.cencom.net,
kla4f@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Kristin Leigh Adolfson),
gastlycrum@aol.com (Gastlycrum), dextra@geeklove.jammys.net
trf5@columbia.edu (R Serling), hellsop@earth.execpc.com (Peter Coffin),
A.J.Blews@soc.staffs.ac.uk (Revenant), sexbat@batt.demon.co.uk (Sexbat),
huet@gla.ecoledoc.ibp.fr (Nicholas Huet), ktri@u.washington.edu (Katrina Hunt).
azazel@dudael.equinox.gen.nz (Dillon Burke),
msk@chemeng.chmt.wits.ac.za, kayleigh@mono.city.ac.uk,
kggewehr@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Wendy Wanders, Subject 117)
gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au (David Gerard),cm5345@scitsc.wlv.ac.uk(L.Armstrong)
brobakk@ilf.uio.no, pd@dominion.inka.de
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What do you call a goth lying in the road?
A speed bump.
Two goths are walking down the road, one says "I just bought the new Love Like
Blood CD."
The other says "F_ck me, a talking goth!"
How do you get a goth out of a tree?
Cut the rope!
Theres a goth walking down the road with a rat on his shoulder. An old lady
walks past, stops, stares at the two and says "Yeuk! What are you doing with
that revolting creature?"
"Squeak squeak squeak!" says the rat.
What do you store your heavy velvet cape in for the summer?
Goth balls.
Why is it so hard for goths to get work?
Because all they can do is mope the floors are depress the buttons.
What did the vampire say when he looked in the mirror?
"So nice not to see you again"
Wayne Hussey dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he meets up with
Gabriel who gives him the grand tour of heaven.
While toruing he sees many familiar faces including Jimi Hendrix, Ian Curtis,
Mary Shelly, and of course Nick Fiend kinda shows up once in a while...
And then he sees Andrew Eldritch Sitting on a HUUUGE throne..
Wayne Says to Gabriel "I didn't know Andrew was dead!"
Gabriel replies, "Oh, that's God(tm) He only thinks he's Andrew"
What's another name for a gothgirl?
A Crow-ho.
What do goths buy at the liquor store when they don't have much cash?
Crow-Magnums.
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead squid in my soup!"
"It's not dead Sir, it's just dreaming."
What do you get when you cross Lee Iococca with a vampire?
AUTOEXEC.BAT
How many casuals does it take to make a hamburger?
Who cares, just think of all the fun we could have putting them through
the mincer to find out!
How many "New Kids on the Block" does it take to paint a wall red?
Only one if you throw it hard enough.
How many fratboys does it take to wallpaper a room?
That depends on how thinly you slice them.
How many goths does it take to make cheesecake?
None, there are no goths in cheesecake.
Old goths don't die, they just need less makeup.
Two goths are having sex. (Strange, I know, but true.) Suddenly, the girl
goth comes.
"Darling, darling!" says the boy goth, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," says the girl goth, "nothing at all. Why?"
"You moved."
Why did the goth cross the road?
It didn't, it was dead.
What's black and sits in the corner?
A dead baby goth.
What's black and knocks on the window?
A goth in a microwave.
"He's *such* a *goth* ..."
"How *much* of a goth *is* he?"
"... that when he hangs around the house ... he *hangs* around the house!"
"Say, who was that *goth* I saw you with last night?"
"*That* was no *goth*! I'm a *necrophiliac*!"
What happens if you don't pay the exorcist?
You get repossessed.
How does a perkygoff paint his ceiling black?
He dyes his hair and starts bouncing.
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And now, the seemingly unending list of lightbulb jokes:
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, oneto change it and two to talk about Lord Byron's Grand Tour and
creative uses of laudinum in a metaphysical environment.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, but one has to light the candle.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just embrace the darkness.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to replace the UV tube, and one to put Floodland on.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
, we have candles.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the lights wouldn't be one anyway.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it for a purple bulb and one to plug the smoke machine in.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, five to scream "Turn that bloody light off!"
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Dunno, but I see them all practicing at Slimelight, while dancing to the
Sisters. The raise their arms in a stretching way towards the ceiling,
twisting their wrists and returning their arm to their mid-rift, while walking
backwards and swaying in the murky darkness.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to do it, the other to bitch about how Andrew Eldritch could have done
it better.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and another to curse the first for putting a glare
on the terminal screen while the second was reading alt.gothic.
How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. (or more depending on your preference) I don't know how they fit in
there, though!
How many necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they prefer their bulbs dead.
What do you get if you cross a goth and a toilet?
The cisterns of mercy.
--
Tony Blews, Software Technician, Staffordshire University.
URL: http://tardis.soc.staffs.ac.uk/tony/